Advice for Sewing Summit - Food Worried

You might remember I mentioned that Danny, Katy and I are putting ourselves out there in an effort to help the worried and confused overcome their Sewing Summit concerns.

Here is the official unofficial Sewing Summit Advice Panel.

 

The first letter comes from Food Worried. 

Dear Alternate SS Guru,
I am coming to Sewing Summit from overseas, but I am a bit worried about being understood in American restaurants as I don't speak American. What the heck does "over easy" mean, why is "creamer" called creamer when it bears no relation to cream, and how do I order a white coffee in American?
Regards,
Food worried

Being the only local, Danny took this one.

Dear Food Worried,

Over easy is a term lazy cooks use to trick customers into thinking they've cooked their egg in a fancy way, meant only for the most sophisticated of diners, when in reality, they've only moderately cooked the bottom of the egg while the top is still oozing of chicken placenta. And creamer, well that's thicker, sugary milk usually artificially flavored to imitate a cinnamon roll or other pastry. They come in jugs marked "Fat Free" and "Now with 1/3 less sugar" to lure their potential customers, usually dieting Americans, into thinking they can have the great taste of cinnamon roll with no caloric intake. My recommendation: If you don't like our creamer or warped psychology, grow up and drink your coffee black.

Lucky for you non-Americans, we like to accommodate those who don't speak "American" and have placed photos of our restaurant items throughout the menu for your consideration. Point and say "that one". This is how well seasoned Americans order food. And while your food will not come out looking like the menu item, you may end up with a plate with MOST of the pictured ingredients, which is kind of the same, don't you think?

Good luck in America,

Alternate SS Advice Guru